Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round, for I’ve a tale that might just ground you more effectively than the British weather does to UK’s dear Watchkeeper drones. Picture this: a venture into the sky, a flight of fancy that quite literally can’t stand the sight of a cloudy day. Yes, you’ve got it—the British surveillance drones, each with a price tag that could make even a hardened MP’s eyes water, a cool £5 million. They soared into the sky for the first time back in 2010, filled with the promise of watching over the UK like an overbearing mother-in-law, only to find they’re a bit picky about the weather.
Now, imagine basing these technological marvels on the Israeli Hermes 450 drone, a tried and tested eye in the sky. One would think THE UK was onto a winner, right? But here’s the twist—the British version apparently prefers a cozy hangar to the great British outdoors if the weather turns sour. And let’s be honest, when does it not?
Enter stage left, Mark Francois, not often the harbinger of joy, calling the entire escapade an “unmitigated disaster.” A phrase so British, it’s practically a stiff upper lip in sentence form.
Late to the party and obsolete upon arrival, these drones have more requirements than a diva at a music festival— to be precise. And in a plot twist that would make Shakespeare proud, these demands have made the drones overweight, leading some to take an unscheduled meeting with the ground. So, here the UK stands, with the world’s most expensive weather vanes, proving that sometimes, the only thing higher than our ambitions is the bill for not achieving them.
Watchkeeper drones have taken a bit of a sabbatical from operational deployment, but fear not, they’re still clocking in for a bit of a run around the training field. The Ministry of Defence, bless their hearts, have spun a yarn as British as afternoon tea, heralding these drones as “highly sophisticated” marvels that have gallantly soared through 4,000 hours of flying. Oh, they’ve been quite the globetrotters, with a postcard from Afghanistan no less, playing the guardian angel for British troops.
Mind you, the specifics are as murky as a foggy day on the Thames—none provided. It’s a bit like saying your mate’s done a splendid job watching the house while you were away, neglecting to mention you came back to find the garden gnome nicked and the back door wide open. But there you have it, the Watchkeepers, the pride of the skies, when they’re not on their tea break, that is. Cheers to them, the unsung heroes who prefer their battles in the classroom rather than the battlefield.
Picture it: a drone, designed to spy, decides to take a spontaneous dip off the coast of Cyprus. Why? Because it seems the high-tech Watchkeeper can’t quite cope with a bit of British weather abroad. And there’s more – they sent one up to see how it fares with a bit of frost. The verdict? Well, it never came back, did it? It’s like sending a Brit to the beach and being surprised they come back sunburnt. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more Monty Python, let’s cast a glance towards Finland. The Finns, not wanting to be outdone in the realm of questionable military strategies, seem to have their foreign minister on a quixotic quest against Russia with, wait for it, 8 tanks. It’s like bringing a knife to a gunfight, but the knife is actually a spoon. So here we are, Britain and Finland, making a splendid show of how not to do things, one lost drone and 8 tanks at a time.