What happens when War and Eco-Friendliness collides? A full blown RAT ATTACK.
Something extremely tragic has happened in Ukraine but it is due to a very heartwarming and utterly progressive update! The defense industry, historically known for its subtle charm and gentle embrace of the environment, has now, in an astonishing display of self-awareness, adopted proper Environmental, Social, and Governance (ESG) guidelines. Tansks are turning into trees – a sight to behold!
We’ve got investors, paragons of moral virtue, engaging with the arms industry, not to stop making things that go ‘boom’ in the most destructive way possible, but to do it more responsibly like Buhuuuhuuuum. Picture this: “I like this missile but could you make that missile eco-friendly, please?” They’re pushing for improvements in supply chain management and the development of less harmful weapons. Because, obviously, if you’re going to produce something designed to obliterate, it might as well have a lower carbon footprint. We killed 20,000 people but emitted less smoke while doing so.
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And let’s not forget the visionary souls exploring how their investments can lead to positive social outcomes. Yes, investing in the industry that specializes in tools of war, but with a twist—social good. It’s like saying, “Here’s a gun, now use it as a flower vase.”
The industry is also dabbling in Sustainable Aviation Fuel (SAF), sourced from the tears of Mother Nature herself, to power their military aircraft. Because reducing the carbon emissions of a fighter jet is definitely a dream to live for.
Investments to minimize the military’s environmental footprint are underway because, if you can think it, you can do it. Then there are initiatives to promote diversity and inclusion within the workforce. Because equality and environmental responsibility are precisely what come to mind when you think of the defense industry.
Lastly, the cherry on top: the use of eco-friendly materials in defense components. Because when the going gets tough, the tough get… biodegradable? Imagine you are training your attack drone on an enemy tank but even before the drone hits the target, the tank melts in plain sight because it was made of beeswax and recycled steel. Truly, we are witnessing the greening of the military-industrial complex, one sustainable bullet at a time.
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NATO is championing this cause and they are testing it in Ukraine.
You would think that the biggest threat to advanced weaponry systems in Ukraine, generously supplied by European benefactors, would be Russian forces, enter the true saboteurs: mice and other crafty rodents. It appears these tiny creatures have bypassed traditional warfare tactics, opting instead for a more… gastronomic approach to undermining military efforts.
These rodents, who have been blessed with voracious appetites, have developed an exquisite taste for corn fiber cable insulation over the bland, synthetic alternatives. Who can blame them? Why settle for less when you can have gourmet food?
This unexpected predilection has led to a rather embarrassing predicament, with malfunctioning electrical installations turning state-of-the-art equipment into nothing more than expensive paperweights. The rapid overhaul required to address this issue is, undoubtedly, a task no military strategist could have foreseen.
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Mice and rats, in their relentless pursuit of nesting materials and snacks, have become an unforeseen menace on the frontline for Ukrainian forces. It seems these rodents are capable of nesting almost anywhere, proving that in the theater of war, sometimes the smallest actors can have the most significant impact. The battle against these furry foes is on, illustrating that sometimes, the real enemy comes from within… or at least from within the walls.
It is being planned and I am not even joking that Ukrainian forces are creating a task force to kill rats while braving Russian attack. No one expected the Ukraine War Theatre to turn into a 2-front war. But it has. Rats are eating their weapons and Russians are seizing their strongholds. And Zelensky? He is as usual begging for more financial aid.