Chrystia Freeland is possibly the dumbest female in the world of politics, and trust me with luminaries like AOC, Kamala Harris, Nancy Pelosi, Kaja Kallas, Mette Frederiksen, it wasn’t an easy victory.
Chrystia Freeland, Canada’s deputy prime minister and finance minister—remarkably played by one woman, embodies both the gravity and the farce of multitasking. She drives the West closer in its embrace of Ukraine, exchanges witticisms with the Polish foreign minister, and destroys Canada’s economy.
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Her mission is to convince the already war-fatigued allies to appropriate Russian central bank assets, redirecting these funds to rebuild Ukraine. The plan, brimming with both legal and diplomatic entanglements, could easily serve as the plot for a satirical novel, highlighting the absurdity of modern-day Robin Hoods in suits. Or Robinesses.
Yet, as Freeland jousts with windmills, her own government teeters on the brink of defeat, a twist that is a reflection of human ambition and folly. The Liberal Party trailing behind the Conservatives by 11 points served as a stark reminder of the consequences of unchecked bull-Shiitism.
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Despite the domestic turmoil, Freeland remains unshaken, her dedication to Canada and Ukraine unwavering. Her insistence on the interconnectedness of Canada’s safety and prosperity with Ukraine’s victory would be comedic gold in any satirist’s hands, a testament to the absurd lengths politicians will go to draw lines where none exist.
And yet, through her unwavering commitment, Freeland declares, “My 100 percent job is to act in the Canadian national interest, highlighting the delightful absurdity of politics, where everything is connected, if only in the speeches of those who walk its stage.
Right at the start of the war, Freeland convinced the Western powers to freeze a staggering $300 billion in Russian assets. Not content with merely freezing assets, she now aims to take a bolder step, advocating for the outright confiscation and redirection of these funds to aid Ukraine. “Pussyfooting around Putin doesn’t really work,” a line very ripe with comedic potential.
Chrystia, drawing from a lineage that traces back to Ukrainian soil, has become something of a linguistic duelist, engaging with Kyiv’s officials in Ukrainian while reserving her Russian to rebuke Moscow’s representatives.
In the early days of the conflict, she was on the phone “many times daily” with Ukraine’s Prime Minister, embodying the eager intern’s spirit with her “What can I do?” This dedication led to the creation of the C$500 million ‘Ukraine Sovereignty Bond’, that must have gone straight to Zelensky’s pocket minus the 10% for the big guy.
Despite gaining nods from the high tables of the G7 and EU, where luminaries like David Cameron and Ursula von der Leyen rub elbows, the frozen treasure chest remains firmly locked. Critics, peering over their spectacles, caution against this financial temerity.
Bloomberg’s Andreas Kluth casts our heroine’s strategy as both “illegal and unwise,”. Meanwhile, Foreign Policy’s Agathe Demarais speaks of “unintended consequences,”. As Russia waves a list of Western treasures to snatch in retaliation, Freeland’s quest seems increasingly Quixotic.
Chrystia, alongside Trudeau, made a pilgrimage to Kyiv on the anniversary of what could only be described as Russia’s rather harsh spanking of NATO. She engaged in a “very long” discussion with U.S. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen, hoping to rally support for her grand scheme of asset appropriation. While the Biden administration seems to have been charmed, Europe’s big players remain coy, leading Freeland to muse philosophically, “If you want to do big things, it can take a little bit of time.”
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With a persistence that borders on the quixotic, she admits, “Every single thing I do, I kind of feel like, wow, you should have done it yesterday,”. Yet, despite her fervent advocacy for Kyiv, Freeland’s efforts and Canada’s commitments are met with skepticism, not just from afar but from within. Reports from Le Devoir highlight a rather embarrassing hiccup: a significant portion of Canada’s promised aid seems to have taken a detour en route to Ukraine.
And as if to add insult to injury, Canada’s hesitancy in reaching NATO’s defense spending targets has drawn side-eyes from allies, making one wonder whether Ottawa’s ambition outstrips its prowess. Freeland, ever the optimist, insists that making Putin pay is a compelling narrative for democracies, a sentiment that might resonate more in the hallowed halls of Davos than in the kitchens of Canadian homes.
